The Trouble with Brownies
by Kyarorain
Summary: Ash and company meet a strange lady on their travels. Their day is about to become very strange indeed.
1. Chapter 1

**The Trouble with Brownies**

* * *

This is going to be a very random chaptered fic full of fun and insanity. Hooray for fun and insanity!

Nintendo and Game Freak own Pokémon. I own nothing.

* * *

****

"I want to have a burger!"

"Well, I want to eat noodles!"

"But I want burgers!"

"Yeah, well, I'm older and I say we're having noodles, SO THERE!"

"That's unfair!"

"I don't care what we're eating as long as we eat!" Ash interrupted. His stomach let out a loud growl and the arguing siblings, May and Max, turned their heads to stare at him. He rubbed the back of his head and let out an awkward laugh. "So, can we just decide already?"

"Why don't we go to the Pokémon Center and eat there instead?" Brock pointed at the Pokémon Center a few yards behind them. "We get to eat free food after all." He clasped his hands together, his eyes turning into hearts.

"You just want to see Nurse Joy!" May and Max yelled accusingly, looming in front of him, which was quite a feat considering he was taller than both of them, and causing him to recoil and sweatdrop.

"Are we ever going to eat?" Ash moaned quietly, hanging his head.

"Pikachu." Pikachu sighed.

"On their continuing quest for Ash to get all of his badges and May her ribbons so that they may one day enter the Hoenn League and Grand Festival, the quartet have ended up in Askrack City-"

"Ass-crack?" Brock repeated, looking dumbfounded.

"I said Askrack!" the narrator exclaimed. "Now, where was I? Oh, yes, they are in a pointless filler town to do absolutely nothing worthwhile. What will happen today?"

"Can I help you?" a feminine voice broke into the silence as the group of hungry children tried to solve the dilemma of where to eat. They turned around and immediately forgot about their empty stomachs as they laid eyes on the Character of the Day.

A tall, shapely woman who wore tight fitting clothes and had long pink, green and yellow hair tied back in a ponytail stood before them. She reached up to adjust the wide glasses that framed her wide blue eyes and smiled.

"Uh, well, we just got here and..." Ash started, stopping as Brock jumped in front of him and grabbed the woman's hands.

"This whole flirting gag of mine is going to get old one day, but what the heck," Brock said, looking at the woman with a lovelorn expression. "I am dazzled by the many colours of your hair and the beauty of your eyes! Might I dazzle you with my romantic charm?" He flashed a grin at her, his teeth sparkling.

"Sorry. I'm a lesbian," the woman replied, looking slightly flustered.

"Huh... whaaaaaaa?" Brock turned to stone and crumbled away, the wind blowing away the stone fragments in its way. Of course, this was merely a show for dramatic effect and he didn't really turn to stone and get blown away.

"Huh? What's a lesbian?" Ash looked confused.

"Never mind that!" May pushed him aside and looked up at the woman. "Your hair is so cool! I wish I could have hair like that."

"Thank you. My name is Raine," she spoke. "So, you're new to Askrack City?"

"How come it's called Askrack City?" Max asked curiously.

"Oh, because it's right next to a valley that looks just like an ass crack," Raine responded flippantly. "But we have to think of the children, you know, so we spell it wrong so that we don't have to destroy their innocent minds by teaching them harmless words like ass and crack. Well, okay, there's nothing wrong with the word crack. In fact, crack is pretty awesome."

"Eh?" Ash was even more confused now.

"Why?" Brock was sobbing into his arms and lying on the ground. "The most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on had to be a lesbian!"

"I still don't know what a lesbian is," Ash said grumpily, crossing his arms.

"Sheesh, Ash!" May snapped. "It means she likes women and not men! How can you not know that?"

"There are a lot of things that Ash doesn't know." Max raised his arms and shook his head wearily.

"Hey!" Ash protested, looking injured.

"Uh, anyway..." May turned her attention back to Raine. "I'm May, this is my brother Max, he's Ash and the one who's crying his eyes out over there is Brock."

"Nice to meet you all," Raine said pleasantly. "Would you all like to come to my house? I've got some delicious hash brownies I made this morning."

"Brownies?" Ash started drooling. When was the last time he had ever eaten that delicious chocolate treat?

"Ash, that's gross!" Max exclaimed as he saw the drool.

"Whoops..." Ash quickly wiped his mouth and laughed in embarrassment.

"Even brownies won't cure my heartbreak," Brock whispered, gazing up at the sky with a mournful expression. He didn't even notice Ash, May and Max follow Raine toward her house. They were getting tired of his angsting and honestly didn't care how angsty he was feeling. So, he remained angsting in the street.

Raine led the three kids into the kitchen of her home, where they saw a giant stack of brownies piled upon a plate.

"Wow! How come you made so many brownies?" Max looked astonished. "I swear there's enough here to feed an entire town of starving people."

"Well, uh, I was supposed to have a rave party tonight, but it got cancelled at the last minute. If you kids could eat up all these brownies for me before the police come, that would be excellent," Raine said as they sat down at the table.

"The police?" May repeated. "What for?"

"Er, it's none of your business," Raine said awkwardly. "Go on and eat those delicious brownies."

"Okay!" Max grabbed a brownie and opened his mouth wide to chomp down on it. May and Ash followed suit, grabbing brownies and happily chomping down on them. As they ate, none of them noticed Raine quietly sneaking out of the kitchen and running upstairs, nor did they see her come back down a few minutes later with two packed bags. Their suspicions certainly weren't aroused by the sound of a car revving up and speeding away from behind the house either.

Eventually, the plate was completely empty, covered with tiny brownie crumbs, and Ash, May and Max were passed out in their chairs, ready to have an experience like they had never had before.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Trouble with Brownies  
**

"Huh? Where am I?" Ash looked around in confusion. For some odd reason, the sky had completely turned purple. He was sure he had never seen a purple sky before. He looked to his left and saw a giant Rhydon and a giant Meowth facing off against each other, holding large Poké Balls. When they threw the Poké Balls, humans came out of the balls wielding weapons. One of them was wielding a giant noodle whip while the other one had a launcher in his hand.

"Go, Mike! Use Pie Launch!" yelled the Rhydon.

"Natalie, use Noodle Lash!" exclaimed the Meowth.

"What the...?" Ash ran over to them. "Hey, what the heck is going on here?"

The battle that had been about to commence came to a halt before it really even started. The Meowth and the Rhydon turned to look at Ash with curious expressions.

"Hey, it's a human," the Meowth pointed out.

"A talking one too!" the Rhydon gasped.

The Meowth and Rhydon then looked at each other and said in unison. "I'M CATCHING HIM!"

"Whuh?" Ash backed away as the Meowth and Rhydon both held up Poké Balls and gave him evil grins. He screamed and turned around, running for it.

"He's going to get away! Fire some pies at him, Mike!"

"Use that noodle to tie him up, Natalie!"

Ash narrowly ducked, dodging the custard pie that flew over his head. He turned his head just in time to see the noodle swinging at him and jumped over it. He ran as fast as he could, his mind spinning in confusion. Just what was going on here? The Pokémon were talking and using the humans to battle! It was like some crazy bizarro world where everything was in reverse. He ran into a nearby forest, hoping the trees would provide the cover he needed to get away before he was caught.

"Psst!" A person was beckoning from the top of a tree. He reached out and helped Ash up into the branches. Ash looked down to see Mike and Natalie run past, the Meowth and Rhydon following them, and let out a sigh of relief.

"Whew, that was close." Ash looked at the person who had saved him. "What the heck is going on here? Why are the Pokémon talking and what are humans doing inside Poké Balls, fighting for them?"

"Well, a team of activists rose up one day, swearing to put an end to what they called barbaric cruelty," the man sitting before him said with a serious look on his face. "They pumped chemicals in the air, and these chemicals caused the Pokémon to become giants. Those who were already giant became even more giant! And they also gained super intelligence! Why, they were intelligent enough to invent a new kind of Poké Ball that could catch humans! And the old Poké Balls were disposed of, so that no Pokémon could be caught any more. In fact, those chemicals that transformed the Pokémon also rendered most humans unable to talk and there was very little they could do about it."

"That... that's ridiculous..." Ash whispered, his face paling. Was any of this really true? But then again he had just seen giant talking Pokémon sending humans out of balls...

"The roles were reversed. The Pokémon became the trainers, the trainers became their servants, forced to do battle for them," the man continued speaking. "Now we are all trying to hide from the Pokémon so that we don't get caught and we don't have to be forced to use silly weapons and fight each other. Who could possibly have imagined that the world would have turned out like this?"

Ash was sure he had a headache coming on. He put a hand to his head and slowly exhaled. "I can't believe it. This can't be real."

"Of course it's not!" the man snapped. "It's just a figment of your drug induced imagination, you freak!" With a puff of smoke, he was gone.

Then Ash realised he was actually sitting on top of a giant Sudowoodo and fell out as it began moving. He hit the ground and looked up into the face of the grinning tree, before a Poké Ball fell on top of him. As he was being sucked into the Poké Ball, he screamed.

-x-x-x-x-

May sat on a rock, rubbing her head and looking dazed. She was so confused and had no idea what was going on. The last thing she remembered... no, actually, she couldn't remember that. Her mind was a haze at the moment. The brunette was suddenly hit with the desire to quit sitting on a rock and go north, so she did.

A scream suddenly split the silence and she broke into a run, heading toward the noise and soon she saw what appeared to be a freaky looking Mr. Mime advancing on a terrified young girl. The young girl fell to her knees and cried out in fear while the scary Mr. Mime whipped out a butcher's knife and grinned maniacally.

"Stop right there!" May shouted, causing the Mr. Mime to turn around and look at her. Its eyes were glowing red and it had unnaturally sharp teeth. It didn't really look like a Mr. Mime and she wondered why a Mr. Mime would be trying to kill a little girl with a knife, but there was no time to contemplate this strange mystery. She couldn't let some freaky ass Mr. Mime kill an innocent little girl.

Suddenly, May had a strange compulsion to rip her bandanna off her head and do something with it, so she did. She tore off the red and white cloth and held it up in the air, yelling "Bandanna Power, Make Up!"

The bandanna transformed into a tiara which she placed squarely upon her forehead and she began to twirl in the air, against a backdrop of flashy iridescent colours. Her clothes disappeared and were replaced with a sailor fuku. When the transformation was complete, May struck a pose.

"I am the sailor suited pretty soldier of love and gourmet cuisine, Sailor Bandanna!" May shouted. "In the name of good food, I will punish you!" With that, she whipped out some cookies and started pelting the Mr. Mime with them.

The Mr. Mime was unimpressed. It opened its mouth and caught the cookies, swallowing them whole. May watched on with a shocked expression. The Mr. Mime grinned and its arms extended toward her, its giant hands wrapping around her body. May cried out in pain as she was lifted off the ground and crushed. There wasn't anything she could do.

Then a rose came flying through the air and struck the Mr. Mime's forehead. It howled and released May, clutching its forehead. May fell to the ground, gasping, and looked around to see her mystery saviour, a green haired young man wearing a tuxedo with a white mask on his face.

"How useless," said the masked person. "You can't even defend yourself against that thing? I'm not even sure why I bothered saving you."

"Hmph! You jerk!" May snapped, getting to her feet. "I'll show you!" Her fury at being insulted made her power grow to ten times its normal capacity and her eyes practically glowed with fire. She raised her hands and held them out toward the Mr. Mime, screaming "Jelly Bean Cascade!"

The Mr. Mime screamed as it was pelted with jelly beans, which caused its skin to peel away for some odd reason. When the attack was over, May blinked as she looked at a very familiar person sitting among the shredded remains of what was actually a Mr. Mime costume.

"What the...?" May asked in stupefaction. "The Mr. Mime was Harley? But... but... THIS MAKES NO FREAKING SENSE!" she yelled at the top of her voice.

Suddenly, the ground gave way beneath her and she fell into it, screaming.

-x-x-x-

Max was flying.

He found flying to be quite fun.

Until he crashed into a blimp and fell to his doom.

Except it wasn't really his doom.

And then everyone finally woke up when Pikachu got impatient and thundershocked the hell out of them. Unfortunately for all of them, they were now looking into the face of an unimpressed Officer Jenny.

"You are all under arrest for the consumption of illegal drugs," said Officer Jenny, dangling handcuffs over their heads.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Trouble with Brownies  
**

Brock stood at the edge of the rocky valley, a gloomy expression on his face. He felt that the heartbreaking encounter was one he would never recover from. Not only was his heart shattered, but his friends had abandoned him in his time of need. Never before had he felt so alone and helpless. Nobody even cared about him. He was all alone in this dark and cruel world. It was a strange thing really, he normally bounced back from these kind of things pretty fast, but for some reason this time was different

"Goodbye, cruel world!" With that, Brock leaped down into the valley, closing his eyes... uh, even more than usual as he plummeted. He waited for the end to come.

And then Brock crash landed right on top of Jessie, James and Meowth. He sat up and scratched his head in confusion as the Team Rocket trio sprawled beneath him shouted out for him to get his ass off of them. Eventually, he did. "Team Rocket? What are you doing down here?"

"The nerve of that twerp!" Meowth snapped. "Comes crash landing down on us and starts asking questions... we should be the ones asking the questions here. Why did he even come down here?"

"Trying to fly, maybe?" James frowned. Was the twerp really that dumb? That would explain why he never saw through their disguises. Nobody ever saw through them for some bizarre reason that he couldn't quite fathom.

"We've been stuck in this stinking valley ever since we got blasted off!" Jessie exclaimed grumpily. "No thanks to that twerpy friend of yours!"

"But that was three days ago." Brock raised an eyebrow. "And it was miles away from here."

"Yeah, well, we blast off pretty far sometimes." Meowth crossed his arms and sighed. "And, you know, sometimes recovering from injuries takes a while. Now that we're feeling better, we were thinking about trying to climb back out and steal Pikachu again."

"If the tall twerp is here, Pikachu must be close by. This is the perfect chance to try and steal Pikachu!" James said excitedly. "We'd better use those wacky deus ex machina powers that we always use to get out of impossible situations. Wait, do we have wacky deus ex machina powers?"

"What I want to know is what you were doing jumping down on top of us," Jessie said angrily, glaring at Brock. "You could have broken all our freshly mended bones!"

"Huh? Oh yeah... I saw a pretty girl and she was a lesbian." Brock sank into a depression. "And my friends abandoned me. All I could think of was leaving this cruel world behind." He wept bitter tears and sobbed.

Jessie, James and Meowth glanced at each other, then shrugged their shoulders and walked away. They didn't really care too much about Brock's angst and were content to find a way out of the valley instead so that they could try and steal Pikachu for the ten billionth time.

"Why does nobody love meeeeeeee?" Brock cried out, his voice echoing off the walls of the valley. Suddenly, the ground cracked beneath him and he fell screaming through a giant hole that had opened up without warning, vanishing into the darkness within.

Team Rocket stopped at the sound of the scream, all of them looking disturbed.

"I think we should get out of here as quickly as we can," James whispered.

"You don't have to tell me twice," Jessie whispered back.

"I'm not interested in losing one of my nine lives either. Let's scram!" Meowth said urgently.

Team Rocket was about to start running, but then they caught sight of what appeared to be a Pokémon egg lying in the road. It was dark teal with a large peach coloured patch. Jessie, James and Meowth inched closer to the egg and knelt down to look at it.

"What's an egg doing lying out here in the middle of nowhere?" Meowth wondered.

"This almost seems too good to be true," Jessie observed. "What if it's a rare Pokémon inside that egg?"

"The boss will be so pleased with us if we send him a rare Pokémon," James said gleefully.

"Then let's grab it and get out of here!" Jessie ordered.

As Jessie, James and Meowth leaped at the egg and grabbed it all at once, it started to hum and emit a white light from within. The surprised trio held on as they watched the light surround them and in a flash, they were gone along with the egg.

"Now where are we?" Meowth looked around.

"It seems like we're in a castle," James observed. "How did we even get here?"

Jessie, James and Meowth were now standing in a large hallway surrounded by walls of stone with a red carpet beneath their feet. At one end of the hallway was a large wooden door, with knights in armour and wielding spears standing on either side. At the other end was the throne, where a woman sat flanked by even more men.

"So, you have brought the egg back to us," the woman spoke, smiling. "I knew it would only be a matter of time before someone found the egg for us and returned."

"Huh?" Jessie, James and Meowth stared at her blankly.

"You are in the Kingdom of Sheezanbakon," said the woman. "I am Queen Lea. We have waited a great many years for the egg to return to us, along with the chosen ones who would find it."

"Uh..." Team Rocket were still completely clueless.

"Now, as the chosen ones who have returned the egg, it is your destiny to enter the dimension that lies beyond this castle and deliver the egg to the top of Mt. Spottedwang... oh, I'm sorry, did I say wang? I meant Spotteddick."

The trio slowly edged back, suddenly feeling scared for their life. They were quite sure that the strange woman standing before them was in fact a demented lunatic and if they didn't run for their lives right now, then they would regret it.

"Oh dear. That gets me every time." Lea raised a hand to her mouth and chuckled. "The dimension is known as Esophagus and it is filled with many challenges and deadly traps."

"I'm scared, Jessie," James whimpered, clinging to her. Jessie clung back.

"Maybe we should just get out of here," Jessie whispered.

"I'm right behind ya," Meowth muttered, watching the woman cautiously. She was crazy. There was no doubt about it.

"Guards!" Lea clicked a finger and suddenly several soldiers were standing before her. Jessie, James and Meowth cried out in surprise, wondering where all those people had managed to come from so quickly. "Please escort the chosen ones to the portal. They must deliver the egg safely to Mt. Spotteddick."

"But we don't want to!" James exclaimed.

"Do we at least get paid for this?" Meowth enquired.

"Unhand me at once!" Jessie snapped as the guards rushed over and seized them. "Hey, come on, this isn't fair. We didn't even mean to get sent here. We were just going to take that egg and send it to our boss."

"Yeah, we don't know nothing about no cheese and bacon or whatever," Meowth snapped.

"I don't think they are listening," James moaned as the guards dragged them to another room, ignoring their protests.

Inside the room, a glowing portal could be seen on the wall. Jessie, James and Meowth stared at it in horror. Maybe all this talk about another dimension and having to deliver an egg to a certain place was actually true after all.

The guards pushed them through and they fell into the other dimension, screaming.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Trouble with Brownies**

"Officer Jenny, please listen to us!" Ash clung to the bars of the cell with a pitiful expression on his face. "We didn't know anything about there being drugs in the brownies!"

"Silence!" Officer Jenny barked, looming before the bars with a menacing expression. "I don't care if you kids are innocent, so long as I get my bail money."

May gasped in shock. Clearly, this police officer standing before them was corrupt.

"Bail money?" Max blinked. "What does she mean by bail money?"

"It's money that someone pays in order to get another person out of jail," May explained. "So somebody must be coming to give her money so that we can get out of jail. At least I hope so."

"Uh, so who's going to bring the bail money?" Ash inquired. "And how long do we have to wait?"

"This isn't right!" May exclaimed. "You know we're innocent and you're just going to take the money anyway instead of letting us go?"

"Yeah, that doesn't sound fair at all." Max frowned. "Whatever happened to that lady who let us have the brownies anyway? I wonder where she got to."

A smirk crossed Officer Jenny's face. "That bail money will keep me with a plentiful supply of donuts. So, yeah, I don't care so long as I get to keep buying donuts." As she finished speaking, she pulled a donut out of her pocket and started munching away.

When she was finished, she turned her attention back to the children. "I've already called your parents and they will be coming here with the bail money. I don't know how long they will be and I don't care. Sitting here and watching you kids whine is much more entertaining than going out there and chasing down criminals. I can't be bothered to do that."

"Wow, corrupt _and_ lazy," Max muttered.

"I don't believe this." Ash sat down and crossed his arms, sighing. "All we did was eat some brownies and we ended up in jail. How could this happen?"

"Pika." Pikachu patted Ash's arm sympathetically.

A few minutes passed in which Max quietly rummaged around in his bag in search of something. May stared at the walls with a glazed over expression, occasionally letting out a despondent sigh. Ash took out his Pokédex and started playing with it. Officer Jenny sat in a chair at her desk, munching yet another donut with her back turned to the cell.

"Officer Jenny," Max suddenly spoke, holding something behind her back. "Can you come here for a moment? I need to talk to you about something important."

Ash and May looked at Max in confusion. Officer Jenny let out an irritated sigh and walked over to the cell, placing a hand on her hip and glaring.

"What is it?" Officer Jenny asked in a slightly snappish tone.

"Officer Jenny, you know that we are innocent, don't you?" Max asked.

"Honestly, I don't care if you're innocent or not. Didn't I already tell you that?" Officer Jenny replied impatiently. "All I want is that bail money to buy donuts with."

"So, you're just going to call our parents over here and practically rob them of money just to buy donuts?" Max spoke.

"More or less." Officer Jenny shrugged. "They don't have to pay if they don't want to, but if they don't, then you're not getting out of jail."

"That's so unfair!" Ash exclaimed.

"Life isn't fair. Deal with it." Officer Jenny turned around and walked back to her desk, taking a gulp from her cup of coffee.

"Hey, Max, what's that?" May had noticed Max was hiding something behind his back. Before Max could say anything, she had snatched it out of his hands. "Huh? Isn't this a tape recorder?"

Max froze, his eyes widening in shock. Officer Jenny would surely have heard that.

"Huh?" Ash came over to see. "Hey, Max, why do you have a tape recorder?"

"Be quiet!" Max yelled. It was too late to tell them to be quiet though. Officer Jenny was already walking back toward the cell with a menacing expression on her face. "Oh, great," he moaned.

"Hand over the tape recorder," Officer Jenny demanded in an icy voice, putting her hand through the bars.

Since May was the one holding the tape recorder, she quickly placed it in Officer Jenny's hand and the police officer marched away with it.

"Huh... what was all that about anyway?" May turned around to face her furious little brother.

"Thanks a lot, sis!" Max yelled. "You just messed up my plan!"

May blinked, struck silent for a few seconds, then she quickly retorted, "Well, maybe if you had just told me you had a plan, I wouldn't have messed it up!"

"Hey, come on." Ash could sense an argument was about to break out. "Fighting like this isn't going to do us any good, you know."

"What good was a taped confession going to do anyway?" May asked. "If our parents don't pay, we won't get out of here."

"It just seemed like a good idea." Max pouted. "So much for that."

The hours slowly trickled by as everyone waited. Eventually, Delia, Caroline and Norman all happened to arrive at the same time, by complete coincidence, even though it didn't make much sense.

"Mom!" Ash exclaimed, smiling.

"You've got a lot of explaining to do, Ash Ketchum!" Delia approached the bars, looking furious. Ash recoiled in surprise. "Ending up in jail like this and Officer Jenny having to call me down in order to pay the bail?"

"But, Mom-" Ash tried to reason with her.

"No buts!" Delia exclaimed. "You're coming back home and I'm grounding you for a week."

"Only a week?" Caroline spoke up. "No wonder your son is such a delinquent."

Norman looked at his wife in surprise. "Hey, now, honey..."

"Oh brother," May whispered. She could sense that something terrible was looming on the horizon and had no desire to be here any longer, but seeing as they were still behind bars, she really had no choice in the matter.

Delia went perfectly still and then turned around ever so slowly, her eyes burning with fire. "I'm sorry... did you just call my son a delinquent?" she asked in a dangerously calm voice.

"Well, look, he's even landed in jail and dragged my babies in there with him," Caroline said with a sniff. "He is surely a bad influence on them. May and Max would never have ended up in jail if it wasn't for him."

"You don't know that..." Norman tried to protest, but a glare shut him up.

"You don't even know why they are in jail!" Delia exclaimed furiously. "I bet they just wandered into one of those preserves without any signs and disturbed some protected Pokémon again. Would it kill you people to just put up some signs?" she asked, looking at Officer Jenny.

"It's true a lot of trainers do wander into preserves without knowing it, but that's their fault for not being psychic," Officer Jenny said defensively. "And, no, it wasn't that. They were doing..." She lowered her voice and spoke in a hushed whisper. "_Drugs._"

"That's not true!" Max exploded angrily. "Well, it is true but... we had no idea and you know it!"

"Yeah!" May joined in. "You just want your bail money!"

Ash was curled up in a ball of gloomy despair and had nothing to add to the conversation.

"What?" Caroline shrieked at the top of her voice. "He's been getting my babies into _drugs_?"

"Is that true about the bail money?" Norman demanded, rounding on Officer Jenny.

Officer Jenny shrugged. "Hey, I got to pay for those donuts somehow."

"Don't you blame this all on Ash!" Delia pointed threateningly at the other woman. "How do you know your kids weren't responsible for this?"

"Who's really responsible anyway?" Max whispered to May.

"I'd say it was the woman who offered us the brownies in the first place," May muttered. "If I ever see her again, I'm going to give her a piece of my mind for sure."

"They would never do such a thing!" Caroline protested. "They know that we would punish them severely for such a thing. You, on the other hand, seem to have no idea of true discipline. I sure hope his father is better at it."

"Uh... actually... Ash's father hasn't been around for his whole life," Delia said awkwardly.

Norman and Caroline stared at her in shock. "Seriously?" they exclaimed in unison.

"Is that really so strange?" Delia asked defensively.

"Hey, that's right," Max said wonderingly. "We really don't know anything about Ash's father. I wonder why."

"Yeah..." May glanced at Ash, who was curled up in the corner and surrounded by a gloomy blue aura. "What's up with him anyway? Hey, Ash, how come we've never even heard about your father?"

"Hey, just fork over the donut money already," Officer Jenny said impatiently. "I mean... bail money."

"Alright." Norman sighed. "How much is it?"

"Five hundred Pokédollars per person," Officer Jenny replied.

"Just to buy donuts? This is a disgrace!" the Petalburg Gym Leader exclaimed.

"Your kids can grow up behind bars if you would prefer," Officer Jenny told him.

"Well, it's really no wonder." Caroline tutted. "Not having a father in his life..."

"Alright, do you want to take it outside?" Delia got in her face, looking angry.

"Just get us out of here already!" May screamed. "I'm going to suffer from claustrophobia at this rate!"

Finally, the bail money was paid and everyone walked out of the building, all of them silent. The tension in the air was evident. Delia and Caroline couldn't stop glaring at each other, Norman was fuming over Officer Jenny's donut obsession, Ash was still in a depressed funk and May and Max were feeling a little scared by what was going on.

"Uh, Mom?" May spoke up finally. "You know, it wasn't really Ash's fault we ate those drugged brownies. Some strange woman invited us into her house to eat them."

"Yeah, and I'm pretty sure she knew they were drugged." Max frowned. "I remember her asking us to eat them before the police came."

"One thousand Pokédollars..." Norman grumbled under his breath. He was certainly not happy about forking out so much money.

"You went into a complete stranger's house to eat their food?" Caroline shrieked. "What's wrong with you?"

"We chat to strangers all the time," Max told her. "Nothing bad usually happens."

"Yeah. I mean, there's no such thing as bad strangers, right?" May asked. "Except for that woman, I guess. It wasn't nice of her to drug us."

Norman caught his wife just as she fainted. "Well, we need to get back to Hoenn now, but when you next call us, we are going to have a very long talk," he said sternly.

As they left, May and Max exchanged nervous looks. They hadn't liked the sound of that.

"I don't know what they are so worried about," Delia said. "It's good to talk to strangers, isn't it? You might even make a new friend."

"Mom..." Ash finally spoke, staring at his feet. "Am I still being grounded?"

"Well, seeing as it wasn't your fault, I suppose it wouldn't be fair," Delia relented. "But you behave yourself and keep out of trouble. I don't want to have to come down and bail you out of prison a second time. Is that clear?"

"Uh... yeah..." Ash didn't see how being told to behave himself and keep out of trouble was good advice. He had been behaving himself. How was he supposed to know those brownies had been drugged anyway? "So... about my father... just who is my father anyway?"

"Huh? You don't even know?" May couldn't help exclaiming.

Max remained silent. However, his jaw did drop.

"I knew this day would come. It sure took long enough." Delia fell silent, looking deeply thoughtful. "The truth is, Ash... I have no idea who your father is."

"Eh?" Ash, May and Max all chorused in shock.

"Well, that's not exactly true. I knew his name and what he looked like, but he was a very mysterious man and I knew very little about his life," Delia said quickly. "However, before he left, he left me a letter I was to give you when you were older. I waited for the day when you would ask me who your father was. Honestly, I thought you were never going to ask."

"How could you not want to know who your father was?" Max asked Ash, seeming bewildered.

"Yeah. I can't even imagine not knowing," May joined in. "Wouldn't it drive you crazy wondering about who your father was?"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Ash exclaimed. "Anyway, I'm asking now, aren't I? You don't need to gang up on me."

"As it happens, I have the letter on me for convenience's sake. Isn't that weird?" Delia said. "But this is an anime where police officers can conveniently have sleep wave detectors on hand, so whatever." She reached into an invisible pocket and pulled out an envelope which she handed to Ash. "Anyway, I had better be off. Call me if you need to talk. Bye!"

As Delia walked off, Ash stared at the envelope with a pensive expression. "The truth to the identity of my father is inside this envelope," he murmured.

"Go on, open it!" Max said excitedly.

"Yeah, we want to know who your father is!" May exclaimed.

Ash glanced at the siblings, raising an eyebrow. Was it just him or did they seem a little too excited about a subject that had absolutely nothing to do with them? "Okay, here we go." He took a deep breath and started to open the envelope.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Trouble with Brownies**

-x-x-x-

The final chapter! Team Rocket fans, be warned, I'm seriously taking my frustrations out on them in this chapter. Heh heh... it serves them right.

-x-x-x-

"Where am I?" Brock had just woken up after hitting the ground several feet below and found himself in a strange, dark place. There was nothing particularly interesting about it so he decided to move on. Thankfully, he hadn't broken any bones in that fall otherwise he would be well and truly screwed.

There was a torch in his backpack, which he used to find his way through the winding tunnel, little knowing where it would take him. At the end of the tunnel, Brock found himself in a small cave. Inside the cave was a table and on top of the table sat a lamp.

"Oh great." Brock sighed. "So much for finding a way out. All I've managed to find is a dead end." His suicidal tendencies had all but gone after that nasty fall and he didn't particularly want to starve to death somewhere underground. Besides, starving to death was a much nastier way to die than jumping off a cliff, he thought.

The dismayed Pokémon breeder walked over to the table and picked up the lamp, examining it curiously. There was a considerable amount of dust on it. Of course Brock did what anybody would do if they found something dusty and proceeded to brush away the dust.

A puff of smoke suddenly poured out of the spout, startling Brock who almost dropped the lamp. He watched the dust take on the form of a ghostly looking Jirachi, his mouth hanging open in surprise at the bizarre sight. What was a Jirachi doing inside a lamp?

"I am Jirachi," intoned the wish granting Pokémon. "You who has woken me up from centuries of sleep, I will grant you three separate wishes."

"You've been sleeping inside that lamp down here for centuries? What were you doing here in the first place?" Brock asked.

"To be honest, I don't really remember," Jirachi admitted. "It's not so bad sleeping for centuries. The lamp is nice and cosy too. So, is there anything that you want?"

"Hmm, let's see. First of all, I want to be back on the surface and with my friends," Brock said.

A moment later, he was standing next to Ash and company. Luckily for them, they didn't suffer from heart attacks on the spot when he suddenly appeared.

"Where did you come from?" Ash exclaimed in surprise, momentarily forgetting about the envelope he was in the process of opening.

"For that matter, where have you been?" Max asked. "We've just had to spend hours waiting around in jail." He frowned in annoyance. It didn't seem fair that Brock had been able to gallivant around doing whatever he liked while they were all behind bars.

"How come you have a Jirachi with you?" May stared in confusion at it.

"This Jirachi just saved my life and it's even willing to grant my wishes." Brock didn't have to think too hard about his second wish. "Jirachi, I wish to have a beautiful woman by my side who is madly in love with me."

May and Max gasped, looking at Brock with disgusted expressions. How could he have the nerve to wish for something like that? It just defied all belief. Ash was too confused by what was going on to have a particularly strong opinion of Brock's actions.

A tall woman with long legs, an impressive bust and doe eyes suddenly came running down the street, her glistening brown locks streaming in the wind. Ash, May and Max watched on in astonishment as the woman threw herself at Brock.

"Oh, Brock!" cried the woman, her emerald orbs shining with delight as she gazed at his visage. "For too long now have I been seeking you, the man of my dreams, and I am so happy to have found you!"

"This is just so wrong," May muttered, her eyes narrowing to slits.

"Where did she come from?" Max asked in disbelief. Had this woman honestly just popped into existence the moment Brock made his wish?

"Guys, can I open this envelope already?" Ash complained, feeling miffed that he was no longer the center of attention at such an important moment in his life. He was finally about to find out the identity of his father!

"You are truly a beautiful woman," Brock gushed, his eyes forming heart shapes. "May I ask your name?"

The woman reached up and flicked back her silky hair, swishing it around for added effect. "My name is Mary Sue," she spoke in a sultry voice, fluttering her eyelashes.

Ash sighed in disgust and decided he would open the envelope anyway, whether anyone was paying attention or not. He took a deep breath and prepared to open it.

At that precise moment, a Pidgey swooped past, snatching the envelope with its talons and flew away into the distance.

Ash stared at the shrinking dot in the sky with a horrified look on his face then sank to his knees, clutching his head in despair. "Noooooooooooo!" he wailed.

"Mary Sue!" Brock exclaimed. "That is such a beautiful name. Everything about you is beautiful. You are my perfect woman."

"And you are my perfect man," Mary Sue said, kissing him passionately.

Max grimaced in disgust. "Let's just leave them here and go."

"Oh, Ash?" May noticed that he was curled up on the ground, sobbing. "What's the matter?"

"I'm never going to find out who my father is," Ash moaned in between sobs. "Curse those darn show writers! Curse them all!" With a resounding crack, the fourth wall collapsed.

May slowly blinked, then shrugged and turned away. She wasn't really sure what Ash was talking about and thought it better not to ask. "Well, don't we have somewhere to get going? You're right, Max, we should get a move on."

Ash looked up and saw that May and Max were going off without him. "Hey, wait for me!" he exclaimed, picking up Pikachu and giving chase.

Everybody forgot about Brock, yet again, and would not remember him again until their stomachs were growling miserably. Meanwhile, Brock was still locking lips with Mary Sue and had not noticed the sudden absence of his friends.

-x-x-x-

Jessie, James and Meowth exhaustedly clambered up to the top of Mt. Spotteddick, which actually did look, feel and taste like a giant version of the pudding itself. It had been a long and tiring walk through a very strange looking dimension. The trees were actually chocolate logs with icing leaves growing from them, the clouds looked pink like cotton candy, the lakes and rivers they had walked past appeared to be soda. It was a very strange land indeed. Still, they hadn't minded taking a few bites out of the trees and now their teeth were aching from all that sugar.

"Here we are at last," James moaned wearily. "Let's drop that egg and get out of here."

"We had better get a really good reward for this," Jessie said venomously. "Or they will pay."

"It's too bad we couldn't get the egg to the boss," Meowth said regretfully. "I bet there's a really rare Pokémon inside it."

The egg was placed down and suddenly it began to glow. Team Rocket watched on in rapture. The egg's glowing form began to mutate and stretch to over several feet tall, then the light faded away to reveal a very large Snorlax.

"Huh?" Jessie, James and Meowth spoke together in astonishment. They really hadn't been expecting that.

Snorlax took one look at the trio, then snatched Jessie and James up and stuffed them into its mouth. Meowth shrieked in horror as he watched it chomp on and then swallow his teammates. It spat out their Poké Balls then released a loud belch and fell over onto its back, already in a deep sleep.

"Hey! Spit them out right now!" Meowth angrily clawed at Snorlax, with no effect. Snorlax yawned in its sleep and rolled over on top of him. It would not move again for a week.

-x-x-x-x

Brock had finally noticed that Ash, May and Max had cruelly abandoned him yet again. Despite their treatment of him, he still had an urge to rejoin them. They would surely starve to death if he was around and he couldn't let that happen.

"I've really got to get back to my friends now," Brock said to Mary Sue. "They need me."

"Don't be silly, Brocky-poo," Mary Sue whispered. "They don't need you and you don't need them. Just stay here with me forever and ever. We will get married and have children and spend the rest of our lives together. Isn't that what you want?"

"Um, well..." It was a tempting offer. As Brock gazed into her eyes, he seriously wanted to say yes, but he knew he couldn't throw away his responsibilities. "I've kind of got other things to do too, like becoming the world's best Pokémon Breeder."

"Come on now, forget about those silly fantasies," Mary Sue wheedled, stroking his cheek. "It will never happen. Your future is with me, Brocky-kins."

"Really. I have to go." Brock tried to pull away, but she held onto him tightly. "Look, maybe we'll see each other again in the future, but I can't settle down right now."

"I won't let you leave me." Mary Sue was still holding onto him, her eyes narrowing to slits. "You wished me here, remember? You can't just abandon me."

"Oh, that's right." Brock remembered that he still had one wish left. He quickly pulled out the lamp and prepared to make his final wish. It was a shame to waste his final wish like this, but he didn't see any other way out of this situation. Too bad he had to do this, she really was such a pretty woman. "I wish Mary Sue would go back to not existing."

Mary Sue promptly disappeared, along with the lamp. Jirachi hovered in the air before Brock.

"I remember now that a curse had been placed on me, forcing me to stay inside the lamp, but now that you have made three wishes, I am free." Jirachi clumsily bowed its head. "Thank you for granting me my freedom. Goodbye." The Pokémon waved at him and flew away.

Brock loudly sniffled. He was having such bad luck with love today, it seemed. Oh well, back to babysitting Ash and the others. The Pokémon breeder hurried off in the direction that they had gone.

An hour later, he found the three of them collapsed by the roadside, clutching their stomachs and groaning loudly.

"Brock... save us..." Ash weakly reached out for him with a shaky hand.

"So... hungry..." May whispered.

"Goodbye, world," Max spoke faintly, closing his eyes.

A drop of sweat rolled down Brock's head. Now this was seriously ridiculous. He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head in exasperation. It just seemed to be one of those days. "Alright, fine, I'll cook you dinner now."


End file.
